just tell him i said nine months
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
