we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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