What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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