I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
