are you still at the devil's house?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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