Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
