after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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