I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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