She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
