i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
