I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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