she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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