New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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