yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
