$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
