that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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