I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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