So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
