I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
