We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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