Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
