That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
