she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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