They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
