How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
