I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
