I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
