you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
