I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
