you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
