half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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