They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
