Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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