What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
