i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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