Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
