porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize