I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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