READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
