My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
