a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
