man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
