I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
