i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
