I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
