Nicole vs. Life
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
