she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
