How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
