Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
