you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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