Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
