I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
